stillbirth – Cynthia Akita

Disclaimer: Please know and understand that sharing the details of my loss is not something that’s easy for me to do. I’ve gone back and forth with the idea and discussed it with my husband because it’s a very sensitive topic and delicate situation that we experienced. When we got married, the theme of our wedding was “Unlocking God’s Story”. Part of that story will not always be pretty, but in the end, we realized that we can’t impact people if we’re only willing to share the good times. I’m sharing because I want the individuals who have experienced this or have yet to experience this to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I will share details as I see fit, so please be respectful.
Thank you.

My husband and I decided to start trying for children during the middle of the year in 2018. We got pregnant on our first try and found out we were officially expecting the Friday after Father’s Day. It was such an exciting time as we had always thought of having kids in 2019. The process was difficult at times in terms of the side effects, but it was a very healthy pregnancy and I would see my doctor once a month.

We found out that we were expecting a baby girl in early October and decided to name her Elise Moriah Akita, along with traditional Ghanaian names. We named her Elise, meaning “Oath of God”, and Moriah, which was the name of the place where Abraham went to sacrifice his son Isaac and instead God provided for that sacrifice. We never thought we would lose her especially because we were a few days past the halfway mark of the pregnancy.

I randomly went into labor in October starting a bit before 2 AM that morning. I’ll share the birth story in another post, but in the end, we lost her and I gave birth to her after she had already passed away. The journey has been tough, but my eyes have definitely been opened and I’m glad that I have the opportunity to share it with you. I hope that this will be a resource for those who are currently going through the pain of loss and also open the eyes of those who have not gone through it and hopefully will never have to.

Stay tuned…

While grieving the loss of my daughter, I found myself going through a lot of emotions. One of them was the fact that I wanted God’s will and knew that there was an explanation for everything He allowed to occur but just did not know that it would turn out that way. Many times I would literally say “God I want your will but it just hurts because I thought it would be packaged differently.”

I know I’m not the only one that has felt this way at some point in life. Many times we are sure of the promises God has over our lives, however, we allow ourselves to plan which roadways and highways we think our lives will take before we reach that promise, but we honestly have no clue because God doesn’t sit there and plan with us. He knew us before we were formed, and knew how things would turn out for us. It is very normal to imagine the way things will work out, but it’s important to realize that God has planned something greater than what our small minds can imagine.

We may think that our futures will come with a pink or blue satin ribbon on top, but all the while, God had planned for a bow made with diamonds and gold. Wouldn’t you prefer that instead? I know I would, but instead of focusing on that moment, we lament and cry over tests and trials that are sure to catapult us to where God needs us to be in order to properly handle and care for that very special promise.

In the end, we’ll think back in awe of the “detours” we had to endure in order to get to His promise.

Tag Archive for: stillbirth

Introducing: Elise Moriah Akita

God’s Will vs. Our Packaging