Introducing: Elise Moriah Akita

Disclaimer: Please know and understand that sharing the details of my loss is not something that’s easy for me to do. I’ve gone back and forth with the idea and discussed it with my husband because it’s a very sensitive topic and delicate situation that we experienced. When we got married, the theme of our wedding was “Unlocking God’s Story”. Part of that story will not always be pretty, but in the end, we realized that we can’t impact people if we’re only willing to share the good times. I’m sharing because I want the individuals who have experienced this or have yet to experience this to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I will share details as I see fit, so please be respectful.
Thank you.

My husband and I decided to start trying for children during the middle of the year in 2018. We got pregnant on our first try and found out we were officially expecting the Friday after Father’s Day. It was such an exciting time as we had always thought of having kids in 2019. The process was difficult at times in terms of the side effects, but it was a very healthy pregnancy and I would see my doctor once a month.

We found out that we were expecting a baby girl in early October and decided to name her Elise Moriah Akita, along with traditional Ghanaian names. We named her Elise, meaning “Oath of God”, and Moriah, which was the name of the place where Abraham went to sacrifice his son Isaac and instead God provided for that sacrifice. We never thought we would lose her especially because we were a few days past the halfway mark of the pregnancy.

I randomly went into labor in October starting a bit before 2 AM that morning. I’ll share the birth story in another post, but in the end, we lost her and I gave birth to her after she had already passed away. The journey has been tough, but my eyes have definitely been opened and I’m glad that I have the opportunity to share it with you. I hope that this will be a resource for those who are currently going through the pain of loss and also open the eyes of those who have not gone through it and hopefully will never have to.

Stay tuned…

Expecting A Miracle

Pregnancy is such an amazing, yet difficult, journey. I honestly think that it would be amazing if everyone could experience pregnancy. Personally, being pregnant gave me such a different perspective of God’s greatness, and how much detail he used to configure creation. When you’re pregnant, your body goes through so many changes. You’ll feel a lot of things, but the process is made up of a lot that you actually cannot see unless you’re viewing it on a sonogram. When we found out that we were expecting, we just had to carry the faith that there was something actually growing inside of me. I didn’t have any symptoms until I was about 2 months in, and that was also around the same time that I was able to see our daughter for the first time. She literally looked like a tiny little shrimp with a circle beating in the upper half of her form. The heartbeat was so strong and fast, and I couldn’t help but wonder how something that looked like a shrimp would grow to become a full-sized baby.

Right away, I downloaded two baby apps that explained the sizes and functions the baby would have after each week, and couldn’t wait until I would finally be able to feel those kicks and movements. I couldn’t thank God enough for such an eye-opening experience. Throughout the first trimester, I had to believe in mind that there was something inside of me because it wasn’t until the second trimester that I could actually feel her movements. Although I didn’t have the physical evidence of Elise growing inside of me (outside of sonograms), I had to change my lifestyle. Everything that I did was with the intention of keeping her safe and making sure that my choices would not affect her negatively. I had to stop eating certain foods and start eating more of particular foods. I became responsible for the gift that was growing inside of me.

In the same light, God is creating and developing something amazing inside of you. You can’t see it right at this moment, but you have to move with faith–believing and behaving as if it is there. It’s important that you are nurturing what you are expecting to receive so that you are sure not to hinder the progress of what He has placed inside of you. God is about to give birth to something amazing through you. That amazing “something” is going to require you to make changes in your life. You will need to say NO to people, places, and behaviors. Know that what you’re carrying is worth the sacrifice and discipline. Don’t squander or fail to properly care for what God has placed inside of you– “its” life depends on it.

God’s Will vs. Our Packaging

While grieving the loss of my daughter, I found myself going through a lot of emotions. One of them was the fact that I wanted God’s will and knew that there was an explanation for everything He allowed to occur but just did not know that it would turn out that way. Many times I would literally say “God I want your will but it just hurts because I thought it would be packaged differently.”

I know I’m not the only one that has felt this way at some point in life. Many times we are sure of the promises God has over our lives, however, we allow ourselves to plan which roadways and highways we think our lives will take before we reach that promise, but we honestly have no clue because God doesn’t sit there and plan with us. He knew us before we were formed, and knew how things would turn out for us. It is very normal to imagine the way things will work out, but it’s important to realize that God has planned something greater than what our small minds can imagine.

We may think that our futures will come with a pink or blue satin ribbon on top, but all the while, God had planned for a bow made with diamonds and gold. Wouldn’t you prefer that instead? I know I would, but instead of focusing on that moment, we lament and cry over tests and trials that are sure to catapult us to where God needs us to be in order to properly handle and care for that very special promise.

In the end, we’ll think back in awe of the “detours” we had to endure in order to get to His promise.

Get Out Of Your Own Way!

How many times do we tell God that we trust Him and the plan He has for our lives, but then proceed to go behind His back and TRY–keyword: TRY– to make things happen on our own? How does that always end? It NEVER works out in our favor!

I was reading Genesis today, as part of the “Read The Bible In A Year” plan that I’m doing. Abraham was favored by God and was given the promise that His descendants would be that of the stars in the sky–innumerable. Although God had promised this to Abram, He didn’t believe how that could possibly be because His wife, Sarai, had not yet conceived and they were both of old age. Sarai, then suggested that Abram sleep with one of her servants so that through the servant, she would be able to have a child.

Personally, I don’t know WHAT Sarai was thinking, and I don’t understand why Abram would even agree to such a thing. God told him that he would be the father of many nations, but did he not realize that if God would make such a promise, that He would provide the means for it to come to fruition? Don’t we all do the same thing to God? He gives us a promise, but when we don’t believe that it’s possible based on LIFE’S circumstances, we divert and try to make it happen on our own.

At the end of the day, Sarai’s servant’s child was just that–Sarai’s servant’s child. That child would have never been Sarai’s, so her solution only brought more problems because she went out of God’s will to try to achieve what God had already said He would provide. Sarai’s solution only brought more pain to herself, Abram, and Hagar (her servant).

A lack of faith and patience will cause us to heap unnecessary pain into our lives. Let’s learn to believe God when He says He will do something for us. Keep in mind that this is the same God that created our very bodies with the dust of the ground and yet managed to make intricate functions throughout our bodies. If you know anything about Anatomy and Physiology, you will understand that the human body is so complex, and it’s not anything a man could even come up with. So if our God could even think up the idea of creating synapses that allow our brain signals to reach the various parts of our body through the spinal cord, which part of your life do you think God can’t figure out?? He has ALL OF THE DETAILS WORKED OUT. It’s up to us to believe it and receive it in DUE time. God holds all the power in His hands and our circumstances cannot change what He has already planned for us.

So do me and yourself a favor and get out of your own way! God doesn’t need your help. He has already worked out all of the details.

Reference: Genesis 16, 17, 18:1-15